Voodoo Economics

Everyone knows the markets are volitaile. Every week, Bernanke looks more and more like a man desperately trying to administer CPR to a dead prostitute. Everyone chooses their words carefully, taking great pains to avoid the dreaded “r”-word. Personally, I believe Bernanke. The fact that I could probably see myself in his shiny head tells me the man has seen more than his fair share of recessions, though most of them appear to have been to his hairline.

There is at least consensus that something must be done. Sure, everyone wants to put in their two cents (while they still have them, I suppose), but if we want real sage advice, maybe we should ask people who know poverty like the backs of their distended stomachs.That leads me to this story I found online.

Apparently, the way to solve money woes is to harvest the body parts of albinos. The idea is so brilliant, I’m surprised these Tanzanians aren’t all on the Fortune 500 list. Well, except for the lack of fortunes. Or arable soil. Here’s the real secret of the technique: it employs a quintessential blue-chip, something that there is always demand for, and that is hatred of whitie. Everyone and their grandmother hates whitie, always have and always will. I myself am of the caucasian persuasion, and even I can’t stand ‘em. So they’ve found a way to take that and turn it into money. Apparently the body parts of these albinos can bring you prosperity. I haven’t the slightest idea how this is accomplished, and considering that Tanazania still has to worry about being able to buy malaria pills before buying and selling our butts, it doesn’t seem to be working. But i’m open to new ideas. 

Most of the killings (yeah, I should mention, the albinos don’t usually give themselves away) are done by gangs for hire. You know what I hear when I read that? “Small business”. Leave it to those without any industry to show us the meaning of industriousness.