Movin' on Up

With the sad, grisly news of actor Heath Ledger’s demise, it is my sad duty to report that I HAVE JUST GOTTEN STATISTICALLY HOTTER! I know it sounds callous and, heck, evil, but sometimes you have to look at the lighter side. The less pretty people there are, the better the rest of us look better by comparison. It’s like that old adage says, “A sinking tides makes the gunk at the bottom more prominent.”

[Author’s note]

Now, I know this could all be taken very badly. Many people find it rather taboo to speak so casually about the death of a fellow human being. But the fact is that people die all the time. The only reason people are choked up is because he was famous. Furthermore, the man overdosed on drugs, so it’s not like there’s anyone else to blame. When did people stop being responsible for their actions? If some average idiot had blown himself up by lighting a cigarette in a fireworks factory, the story would wind up in the Whacky News section and the headline would read “Stupid Man Kills Self Stupidly”. So what’s the difference here? It’s not like there’s any doubt that drugs, particularly a lot of them, are dangerous. I say, the man knew the risks and suffered his own foolish consequences. He won’t get an ouce of sympathy from me.

UPDATE:

I’ve gone back down the list with today’s announcement of the birth of this three-eyed piglet with two snouts. Curse its dashing good looks and jet black hair! Curse it to the very bowels of hell!